Nothing Comes Easily
by NS- Leclair
Summary: MD Meredith reminisces about the past.


Disclaimer: None of it's mine.

Rating: Gr: I do not own the characters that Shonda has created, nor do I own anything associated with

A/N: This fic was inspired by Anna Nalick's song, "Wreck of the Day". Dedicated to all the MerDer fans and to Ashley. The title is from Kate Havnevik's song, "Grace".

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**Nothing Comes Easily **

In the dark where she was alone and wide awake, Meredith Grey wondered where everything had started to turn drastically for the worst; where everything had gone so very wrong. Lying in her bed, she was on her side and facing away from the closed door that separated her from the world. She was gripping the pillow underneath her confused head, and staring hard at a spot on the wall that was no less fascinating then the spot on the ceiling she had stared at for an hour before.

Her mind was filing through everything that had happened in the course of two years. She was trying to pinpoint the single moment where everything had fallen to pieces like her broken heart that seemed irreparable. Had it been when Addison showed up? That appeared to be the most obvious event that explained when everything went downhill. Somehow though, she didn't think that was it because she still had a chance, for the Shepherds' marriage was in shambles.

No, Meredith realized after having switched from the ceiling to the wall then back to the ceiling, it was when Derek had picked Addison, chosen Addison, and loved Addison. It was the defining moment that Meredith could recall that hurt her the most. Hearing him chose his wife for the mere simple fact that Addison was exactly that, his wife, wounded Meredith deeper than she knew then. It had been an explosion of pain and suffering for her at the time until it grew dormant and reared its ugly head once more.

Tears stained her white pillow and she found that she was soon muffling her cries and whimpers into the fluffiness of the cushion. She had secluded herself to one side of the mattress, the right side, because Derek had always taken the left. Looking over her shoulder, she half expected him to be there, sleeping silently and sprawled out on the bed like he usually was. She never minded him taking up all the room for it meant that she was closer to him. Nor had she minded when he molded himself to her backside, wrapping his right hand around her waist while his face was buried in her neck, in her hair.

Sighing, she rolled onto her back and wiped the tears still falling down her cheeks. She sniffled, wiped her eyes once more, and sat up a little. Her head was in her hands and that was how Derek found her when he quietly opened her bedroom door and slipped in. He was still in his pajama bottoms, no doubt freezing cold, when he turned around and found her awake. Through the little light sneaking in from underneath the door and the closed window, Derek saw that her smoky blue eyes were watery and wide; staring at him with an emotion he hadn't seen in a very long time.

"Meredith," he paused, slowly moving to her bedside, where he sat on the edge and cupped her face in his hands, "baby, what's wrong?"

"Why did you choose her, Derek?"

Confused, he gazed at her in disbelief. "Honey, that was such a long time ago."

"It hurt, Derek. Do you know that?"

"Yes and I'm sorry. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. I knew that I loved you but I felt the obligation to make my marriage work."

She gripped one of the hands that were still touching her cheek. He could see the glint of the ring on her left hand. He smiled at it, remembering her face when she saw the simple but elegant engagement ring: a princess cut with two smaller diamonds flanking a slightly large one. She never wanted anything big and the ring was a lot more than she ever expected. She had told him so, even asked him to get a smaller one but he refused, telling her that he wanted the best for her and that he was going to give her it.

"I love you, Meredith."

Nodding, he saw fresh tears cascade from her eyes, staining her flushed cheeks.

"I love you too," she whispered, hugging him tightly.

"Why were you thinking about all of that?"

Her breath was hot against his ear, sending a small, repressed shiver down his spine. There was a fairly long absence of words in which she just simply embraced him, relishing in how he was holding her, rubbing his palms over the muscles of her back.

"I don't know," she whispered, staring straight ahead before she buried her head into his bare chest, breathing in his ultra-masculine scent that was suddenly assaulting her senses.

He tipped her chin up with his crooked index finger so that her eyes stared directly into his. There were no longer tears in her eyes, though they were still somewhat watery. Her cheeks were flushed and her mouth was slightly parted. Never breaking the eye contact between them, Derek slowly bent his head closer to hers, softly brushing his lips across hers. When she tried to bring him in for a deeper kiss, he grabbed a handful of her hair and gently pulled back so that her mouth came short of his only by half an inch. He chuckled huskily and teased her with his mouth.

It wasn't long before he deemed it time to cease the teasing and bring the passion that was boiling beneath the surface. Taking her by surprise and ripping a small gasp from her throat, Derek crushed his mouth to hers, showing her just how much he was in love with her.


End file.
